Stranded in Kosmas

Stranded in Kosmas: A Tale of Lost Love, Betrayal, and the Necessity of a Good Shot of Ouzo While Traveling in Greece With Your Brother and His Ex-Girlfriend

An overseas vacation should never begin with the words, "you don't have to be such a fucker." Ever. In my experience this statement is predictive of future violence. Personally, I have always preferred, "I'm really excited for this trip," or even, "we may have to leave the airport to get a decent exchange rate." Luckily the words were not directed at me but rather at my brother Greg. Unfortunately, my then-fiancée, Nikki, and I would be traveling to Greece with both Greg and the utterer of this phrase (and numerous other phrases that usually contained a pronoun, an adjective, and some variation of the word "fuck"). This person, this woman who could serve up profanities the way Emeril Lagasse juliennes carrots, was my brother's ex-girlfriend Amy. And, tragically, this wasn't the beginning of the end of their relationship. No, Amy began this trip as an "ex." You may wonder why someone would travel overseas with a person they had already evaluated and subsequently dismissed as a potential life partner. Well, it can be summed up in that two-word darling of Internet travel bargain-seekers—the nonrefundable ticket.

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