Wednesday, May 2, 2007

A Nod to Frank O'Hara...

Guy's Night

I’m going out with the guys on Friday
and Pete says there’s too much Orange Juice in the house
So I say we should make screwdrivers for the guys on Friday
And Pete agrees, but first we need to come up with some vodka
But it’s okay cause there’s some cheap POPOV in the liquor cabinet
So we go to The Peev’s house and the guys are there
The Peev, of course, and Abraxis, Goa, Will, Nate, Pete and me
And we drink cheap screwdrivers
Which is fine cause they’re loaded with vitamin C and carbs
And we talk about the miraculous healing powers of hallucinogens
But we don’t do any
But we do drink some more screwdrivers
And talk some more
About Nate’s brush with a stump while biking which was more than a brush
Because he had to eat tapioca pudding through a straw for a few days
But he was okay now and could eat chips and salsa and drink cheap screwdrivers
But I think he was just drinking beer
So we’re talking some more when
Abraxis mentions the DEPARTMENT OF WOO WOO
And we know exactly what he means
Because we know that shaman prefer tobacco as a conduit to the gods
Even over orchids and pot
And now we’re drunk enough to think we can save the world
So we complain about the government and the oil companies
But just as we’re about to solve global warming we decide to go bowling instead
Cause we’re drunk enough to think that bowling is a good idea
So we go to LAVA LANES but they’re having some kind of PBA tournament
Because apparently Medford is a big bowling town
And Marshall Holman is some kind of local celebrity
And they can’t be bothered with a bunch of guys
Whose combined average is around 94 even though one of them is a guitar hero
So they send us to ROXY ANN LANES instead
But the place is so packed we have to wait in the lounge
And everyone in the lounge is smoking except for us
I can’t remember the last time
I was in a place where everyone was smoking and singing Karaoke
And we can’t even make fun of them, because they sound pretty good
So we drink beer and they come in to get us cause we finally have a lane
And almost everybody prefers the gold ball ‘cause somebody says it has magical powers
But the magic wears off before the ball hits the lane
Because we all suck, except Abraxis who is some kind of ringer
The french fries are too good and Pete’s cup is the one that’s 7/8s full
And Goa is sending photos to his honey with his phone
And she’s out with our honeys and it’s some kind of a game they’re playing
So she sends photos back and hers are better because
Hers are of beautiful girls and girl parts
And his are just a bunch of guys in dorky bowling shoes
So we go back to The Peev’s and we drink some more screwdrivers
And talk some more but now I don’t even remember what we’re talking about
Just that I’ve had way too much to drink
I can’t even remember the last time I drank this much
So I stumble to the bathroom
Just in time too
And then I think that this might be a good place to lie down
Here on the gold bath mat, which really does have magical powers
I ‘m so comfortable I don’t even consider pubic hair dust bunnies
And then they come and get me and there are some girls and I’m grinning like an idiot
And then I’m home
And, still grinning, I slip into bed with Velvety Goodness


Alex said...

you read this super well tonight. i really enjoyed it.

i think frank would be proud.


jess said...

yup - killer reading. hope to see you back.

Michael said...

Awww, shucks... :)